John’s Story

Posted: October 15, 2010 in Stories

John’s Story
How old were you at the time of the assault(s)?
3 years old & 18 years old

How old are you currently?
41

Did you know the person(s) who committed the assault(s)?
Yes

Did you tell anyone about the assault(s) at the time?
Yes

Did the assault(s) go to a court trial? Was there a sentencing? If so, how long?
No

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again?
I don’t think the first person will commit sexual assault again. I do believe the second person will commit sexual assault again.

What would you like to say to others about sexual assault?
Sexual assault is not fair and there is not enough awareness about sexual assault against males committed by females.

What would you like to say about this project?
I am thankful for such an opportunity.

My story:
My condition has taken me from being about to do 100 push-ups a minute; to becoming so depressed I could only do 1 pushup. The abuse I experienced made me an extremely shy guy, that engaged in few social activities, in fact I was shy to the point that I couldn’t even eat or drink in front of females. I thought I was at a point in my life that I was going to be okay and survive from being sexually abused at ages 3 and 18 until my drill sergeant further aggravated what had not been healed or emotional issues that had never addressed. I suffered from posttraumatic stress my relationships with my daughters did not exist because of the posttraumatic stress that my mind, body, spirit and soul has withstood since the age of 3. I joined the Army; to provide for my family, my children and all others before myself, that is how lived and learned to be. Now I have learned to live for God first then care for myself so that I may care for my children, family and all others. I pray to remain this way whether I am abused, misused or accused. Thank you kindly for hearing my story and I pray to start healing at some point because I’ve been hurting inside for a very long time and I just need some support from all of the angelic people that I know God has on this earth that will hear my cry and will pray for me. Thank you.

Advertisements

Sonia’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Sonia’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault (s)? 1-16

How old are you currently:  35

Where did the assault (s) happen:  at home; Woodbridge/Lorton, VA

Did you know the person(s) who committed the assault (s):  Yes, my father

Did you tell anyone about the assault (s) at the time: No

Did the assault (s) go to a court trial? No

Was there a sentencing?: No

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again? Yes

What would you like to say to people about sexual assault?

To the survivors: it is not your fault! To everyone: Teach your children self respect,  self defense and LISTEN to them!

What would you like to say about this project?

I think it’s great that Eliina is getting the word out about the prevalence of Sexual  Assault and its effects on both individuals and society as a whole.

My father started sexually assaulting me when I was very small, and continued until I left home at 16.  When I was a toddler, he picked me up by the ankle and used my whole body to masturbate himself.  When I was a little older he raped me with a variety of unpleasant objects, among them his long, narrow paper scissors, an unplugged electric drill, and my own umbrella.  All this was done in secret, of course, although I suspect my mother was willfully ignorant of my misery.

Throughout my adolescence, my father would sneak into my room before it got light, sprawl his heavy body on top of me, and rape me.  Pretending I was asleep didn’t stop him.  Hiding under my desk didn’t stop him.  Even cooperation didn’t stop him.  After many years of processing and healing, I still awaken with a gasp of fear if my cat brushes against me early in the morning.

I blocked the abuse from my consciousness until I moved across the country from where I grew up.  Soon after I started remembering, I cut off all contact with my father, and have never regretted it –he is not only a sexual predator, he’s also viciously critical and judgmental.  I exchange email with my mother once or twice a year, but she continues to believe that the abuse is “inconceivable.”

Despite this legacy of fear and pain, I function well in the world.  I studied Computer Science in school, and worked as a programmer for a long time, until I decided I didn’t like the corporate world and started training as a massage therapist.  I now have a private massage practice and still do some computer contracting on the side.  I’ve owned a condo for 10 years, and I’ve recently been fixing it up so my surroundings are beautiful.  For fun, I ride my bicycle, write poetry, make ceramics, garden, cook, and read a lot.

In the area of intimate relationships, I haven’t fared so well.  After a series of unhappy 2-year relationships with men, I fell madly in love with a woman and thought I had found my soulmate.  She soon moved in with me and we had a commitment ceremony together.  Unfortunately, she turned out to be extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative, and her behavior only got worse when I set boundaries around her treatment of me.  Since we split up, I’ve done a lot of work to figure out how I can keep from getting involved with manipulative people again.  I’ve read endless self-help books about trust and communication.

As a small child I learned lessons about worthlessness, disrespect, secrecy, and compliance.  Finally, at age 35, I’m learning what my parents should have been teaching me back then.  I’ve learned to respect myself, and to expect respectful treatment from everyone around me.  I’ve learned to trust my feelings no matter what.  I’ve learned to separate myself from uncomfortable situations simply because my comfort is important.  I struggle daily to believe that I’m worthy of such tender self-care.  Someday, I hope it will be second nature.

Tani’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Tani’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault ?

I was 15 years old at the time of the assault.

How old are you currently:

I am now 27 years old.

Where did the assault happen:

The assault took place at his house.

Did you know the person(s) who committed the assault:

He was my ex-boyfriend who desperately wanted to take my virginity.

Did you tell anyone about the assault at the time:

I told my best friend, however I did not have the courage at the time tell anyone else until a year later.

Did the assault go to a court trial?

No, I never pressed charges.

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again?

I am not sure.

What would you like to say to people about sexual assault?

I believe that women are sexually violated more often then one might expect.

Personally, the guilt and shame I felt caused me to shut down emotionally for a long time. I did not deal with my pain until a year later. Most women want to forget that it ever happened; therefore most assaults are never reported. I also believe that it is important to resolve all residual pain and not allow it to control you life. Moreover, I strongly believe that any person who sexually assaults another person should be castrated or in other words, should get their dicks cut off.

What would you like to say about this project?

I hope that it provides support to other sexually assaulted women who are afraid to talk about their painful experience. I strongly believe that talking about it helps to heal your soul.

I was raped when I was 15 years old by an ex-boyfriend that my family and I trusted, undoubtedly. My mother dropped me off at his house with no hesitation; he was considered part of the family. He was the last person I would expect to hurt me, as I felt safe with him. We joked about him being my “big bro”. Anyway, he had another male friend over from school and after a while I felt the sexual tension heighten. Even though, I felt uncomfortable I didn’t know to trust my instincts as a teenager. When it happened so suddenly, I only remember looking into both their eyes and seeing frustration and confusion. At first, I almost felt like I fell victim to some boyish experiment. However, I did realize that I was the victim of a violent crime that resulted in the lost of my virginity.  I will always remember the day my innocence was stolen from me and it will haunt me for the rest of life.

Nicole’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Nicole’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault(s) ?
I was 14 for the first.. I guess we could call it incident. I was newly 20 for the 2nd.

How Old are you currently?
22

Where did the Assaults happen?
The first one happened the night before senior prom, although I was not going to prom I was just invited along to see the hotel room my senior friends were going to have the night after.

The 2nd incident occurred at a house I had never been to, down in LA. I was on a trip trying to open myself up more and make new friends, but sadly it just closed me off more.

Did you know the person who committed the assaults?
Yes the first incident was committed by the guy that I considered my best friend and a person I could trust completely he was my confidant.
The second was by a random stranger, I was trying to be social and drinking and I ended up getting really sick, my friends put me upstairs in a bedroom so I could sleep it off. But I did not end up sleeping, I was interrupted by a guy looking for an easy target. It didn’t matter how many times I said I was not interested, that I didn’t want to participate, he did what he pleased.

Did you tell anyone about the assault at the time?

The first one I still feel like I cannot claim, I feel like I am lying about it, because anyone that I told, responded that my friend would never do such a thing. One of my female friends believed me the rest were skeptical.
The second I came down right after and was sobbing and trying to tell the person I was there with, he responded that he didn’t want to fuck me at that moment because he was sleeping with someone else that night. Not only was I assaulted but the person I was with blew me off and didn’t care nor even want to listen to what happened. So I sat in the corner crying wanting to go home, but my ride had left for the night so I had to sleep in the room it happened on the floor. It was one of the worst nights in my life.

Did the assult go to a court trial?
No in both cases, I was too ashamed it was my fault anyway… so there was no point in getting negative attention over it.

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again?

The first person : No. He ended up getting married to one of my friends sisters, I told her what happened but she didn’t belive me, she mentioned that he was on coke at that point in his life so it didn’t manner anyway. He get to live a normal happy life, while I am more screwed up inside then I will ever realize.
I don’t know about the second person, I only barley remember what he looked like.

What would you like to say to people about sexual assault?
Unless it has happened to you, no matter how much you think you do, you do not understand. It took away who I was and I will never ever have that person back. It has been 8 years since the first incident and I am just now Turing to face it, I ran from it for years, saying it happened if people asked but not really believing myself, I never felt like it really happened. To this day I feel like I am lying, right now I feel like I am a fraud. But it happened it affected me, it affected me more then any single event ever has and ever will. I was  14, I was so innocent, I was just starting to learn about myself, to grow and gain a sense of who I was. And in one instant it was all ripped away. I didn’t have teen years, maybe I went through the ages 15, 16, 17, but I didn’t really live them. I hid inside myself. The second rape, yes lets call it that, its hard for me to say that. I was raped. I want to cry when I say it, because it is starting to feel real. The second rape, did not hurt me as much, but it confirmed to my inner core that I truly was worthless, my existence did not matter, my happiness did not matter and who I was or could be certainly did not matter one bit. To this day I base how I feel about myself based solely on how other people treat me. My self esteem relies entirely on how I feel my friends or family or whomever view me. So if someone stands me up, or doesn’t want to be around me, I hate myself. Its not this clear, I don’t consciously think about it, but it is how my self esteem responds.

What would I like to say about this project?

Thank you. Just being involved has allowed me a lot of introspection. While introspection is not healing, it certainly is a start. I am proud of myself for being able to say “I was raped.” and mean it not to others but to myself. I am claiming the demon I have ran from. Its so scary, I cried before I went to have my picture taken by Eliina, but I know I am heading in the direction of healing.

Chrissy’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Chrissy’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault?

I was 4 years old

How old are you currently?

I am 23 years old

Where did the assault happen?

From what I can remember, it happened in a

small dressing room that I had in my room.

Did you know the person who committed the assault?

The person that molested me was my babysitter.

Did you tell anyone about the assault at the time?

No, But I guess one time when he was going to baby sit, my mom could sense there was something wrong

by the expression on my face, shaking my head ‘no’.  I guess at that point that was my cry for help.

Did the assault go to a court trial?

No, but I know that things were very different between our families from then on.

Was there a sentencing?

The only sentencing was for their family to never bother with ours again.

Do you think they will ever commit sexual assault again?

I really don’t know if he would.  I feel like he may have just forgotten about it.

What would you like to say to people about sexual assault?

Do not stand for it if it’s happened to you or someone you know.  It’s not fair being afraid your whole life thinking that you have done something wrong.  It’s never your fault.

What would you like to say about this project?

I would like to say thank you for giving me this opportunity to tell my story along with many others.

It makes you realize how strong you are and how strong you have become from it.

I am twenty-three now, and have finally gotten to the point in my life where I’m not afraid of what lies ahead of me. Having this experience in my life has been difficult, though I am able to talk about it openly now.  But through my years of growing up I have found it very difficult for me to be able to trust people.  This person, who was once so close to me and almost felt like a brother, quickly took away my freedom of being a strong individual. I was four years old when I was molested by my babysitter.  My brother and I grew up with his family; his family was almost considered a part of ours.  We all attended private school together, went to church camp every summer, his mother was like a sister to my mom.  From time to time I remember calling her aunt, and she was also my second grade math teacher. I never really understood what being molested meant until I was older. I know now that I was violated and completely stripped of my childhood innocence.  Not only that, but a course of violent and emotional instability would take part in my life and would cause me to feel like I wanted to end it. Going through your life being afraid of everything, hoping and praying that life is not there to hurt you, is like not even giving you a chance to see what life is.  Because of this experience and the problems that surfaced in result of this, has made me realized that I am a lot stronger than I think I am. Though this will never go away, it is now nothing but a memory and a closed chapter in my life.

Dossie’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Dossie’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault (s)?

16-24

How old are you currently:

60

Where did the assault (s) happen:

at home, streets, cars, apartments

Did you know the person(s) who committed the assault (s):

most of them

Did you tell anyone about the assault (s) at the time:

No

Did the assault (s) go to a court trial?

No

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again?

Yes

For me, coming of age in the fifties, rape was inextricably entangled with what I and everybody else believed it meant to be a woman.  We had this thing called a “reputation” back then, and if you were interested in sex, or excited about much of anything physical, you could lose your reputation and become “fair game.” I took the wrestling matches in the back seats at drive-in movies for granted.  Boys attacked, girls defended: that’s how it worked.

I was too young, and the culture too silent, to question any of this.  My blossoming desire, my fascinated delight with making out, my inability to understand how to use desire as coin to buy marriage, made me outlaw and a prime target.  I was seventeen when the first serious attempt at rape was perpetrated by a polite young man who offered me a ride home from a party when my date was dangerously drunk.  I escaped from him, I’m not entirely sure how, with ten bruises around my neck.  I remember the struggle to keep talking, a make-out session turned into a fight for my life with this man who was so consumed with whatever he desired that he thought he should strangle me. I walked the streets of Boston that night, afraid to call my parents for help because I was utterly certain that this was my fault.  I had stepped out of the suffocating cloister of my family unchaperoned, of course I got attacked.

I moved to New York when I was eighteen to be a beatnik.  Lousy jobs, unsafe neighborhoods, and me with no street smarts, I fought my way out of one assault after another.  Oral rape, battery, kidnapping, threats from the policemen who offered to walk me home:  my independence seemed to inspire rage.  How dare I not belong to some man?    Somehow I felt ashamed:   by seeking my own destiny I had forfeited my protected status as a young lady.  There was something wrong with me for wanting more out of life than to be a wife:  I was outside the pale and it was always after curfew.

The huge trauma that changed my life went down during the Summer of Love.  My partner, fellow Flower Child, fell to schizophrenia and became violent.  During the first six months of my pregnancy with our child, I was repeatedly battered and bruised, terrorized with knives and fire, on one occasion brutally raped.  Our sex routinely became a form of rape:  not that I fought, but that he would take care that I took no pleasure in the act.  In his madness the madonna/whore mythology loomed very large – at one point, with a huge smile on his face, he promised that after the baby was born and he no longer needed me he would kill me.

I don’t blame him that he was afflicted with mental illness – he couldn’t help that.  I blame the culture that taught him from birth that he had a right; even an obligation to be more powerful than me, to “have” a woman and forcefully “keep her in her place” was the definition of manhood in much of the society we lived in.  The more his illness frightened him, the more he needed to beat me down so he could feel powerful:  he would make me small so he could feel big.

I escaped, six months pregnant, and went into hiding.  Searching for me, he threatened violence to all of my friends, and they were afraid to be around me:  I became truly dependent on the kindness of strangers.  And there was kindness, and I got away:  the nightmares began to die down after about ten years.

This experience made a feminist out of me back when feminism was unthinkable.  The violence became a strange sort of gift:  torn apart, I could see clearly for the first time that my problems were not that I was unwomanly, but that I lived in a culture that did not allow me to be a person.  Trying to compromise nearly killed me:  I had to step out of the box and discover myself to survive.

Since that time I have raised my child and worked as counselor to survivors of the many traumas that get inflicted on women.  I created a lifestyle that supported both me and my daughter in being, not somebody’s adjunct, but a whole person.  I learned to discover and cherish my own identity for my own sake.  As a therapist, I enjoy the enormous privilege of supporting many women, and men as well, in healing from the violence of our culture and choosing for themselves the lives they want to lead.

Joya’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Joya’s Story

RAPE
In 1974 at age 21

How old were you at the time of the assault?
21
How old are you currently?
53
Where did the assault happen?
LA Area

Did you know the person who committed the crime?
No

Did you tell anyone about the assault at the time?
Yes

Did the assault go to a court trial?
No

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again?

Yes
What would you like to stay to people about sexual assault?

It affects your life choices drastically, in a negative way.

What would you like to say about this project?

It is here when you are ready to regain your voice. No more hiding. This project is the safe place for your story. Finally, rest.

I was on the last 20 miles of a 3,000 mile journey, hitchhiking from New York to
Los Angeles to my parents’ house. I got a ride from a young black man. We had just gotten on to the freeway. It was 8:30 pm. He said he was ‘packin’. I thought he meant sandwiches. He cleared that up when he said he had a gun. He drove to an oil refinery parking lot. While raping me in the back seat of his Pinto I played along like a girlfriend, attentive and loving. He liked me. He said I should meet his mom and hangout with the family on the 4th of July! Afterwards I asked him if he could take me home now. He said “Hell No” and told me some white guys had raped his sister and now he knew “two wrongs don’t make a right”.  We drove to his house. He knew where the Vaseline was. No birth control, but lube. He did it again. Then said he was leaving me with his cousin while he went to get some pot.  He was gone for a long long time while his cousin got some “white sugar” (me). No lube.
He said “it hurt him as bad as it hurt me.”
It was probably 3 or 4am when the first guy returned. He made a bed on the floor in the living room for us. I actually fell asleep. We awoke to his cousin standing over me with a tire iron demanding more “white sugar” (me). The first guy asked me if I really had been
sleeping and I said yes. Then he grabbed my hand, pulled me up and we ran out the door to his car. We escaped; his cousin was on my heels.  How weird to “escape” and still be
captive. He drove to a hotel and left me in the car while he went to “get a room?” I do not know what he was doing but he was gone too long.
I checked my purse for my I.D. The $20 bill was gone but the I.D. was there. I did not want him to know where I lived. I bolted across the highway to a small building with a light on. I ran up to the window and said, “There’s a man chasing me; can I hide here?” The woman motioned me to the back door.  I sat on a crate next to some large cans of tomatoes. It was a catering truck kitchen. She offered me a scrambled egg burrito ending 9 hours in captivity. It was delicious.  She said there was a man running up and down the street out front.
I smiled.
I got a ride home with a catering truck driver, woke my parents up and told them the story. My dad called me a whore but I was still glad to be “safe”.
“Safety” became my drug of choice.
Two days later I proposed to an ex-boyfriend, a pothead alcoholic who said “Yes”. I stayed with him 19 years and had 2 kids.
It takes drug/ alcohol-free courage and creativity to be happy. Pain pushes until
creativity pulls. I’ve got a couple of homemade careers where I get to redo
my life as it could have been.
When I walk at night I walk with large male friends and/or their dogs.

Melissa’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Melissa’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault?
19
How old are you currently?
23
Where did the assault happen?
In my friend’s house

Did you know the person who committed the crime?
Yes, he was a co-worker and friend of mine.

Did you tell anyone about the assault at the time?
My best friend, who did not help the situation. I told my other friend, who ended up being really supportive and helped me through it.

Did the assault go to a court trial?
No
What would you like to stay to people about sexual assault?
That it happens all the time. I think it’s shocking how many women who have been assaulted do not even define themselves as rape victims. We tend to define rape as a stranger lurking in a dark alley, but it’s crazy and disturbing how many women are assaulted by people they know and trust. I also find it really disturbing how so many men have grey areas surrounding the topic of rape.

What would you like to say about this project?
I think it’s extremely important that women who have been assaulted are not kept silent. Being raped is nothing to be ashamed of.

We used to work as cashiers at a grocery store. We flirted sometimes, and he asked me out on more than one occasion, but I told him no. I was 19 then, and still having a hard time being firm when telling guys I was not interested. We had lots of mutual friends, and we would always hang out, have parties, get drinks. It was fun.
Once He and I were hanging out at his apartment (with another friend who he lived with). I drank too much and ended up kissing him. I told him the next day I had made a mistake and that I did not like him like that, and things seemed okay between us. A few weeks later, he had a party at his house, and I went over. I ended up drinking way too much, and I did not want all my friends to see me that intoxicated, so I stumbled into his room to lie down on the floor and I passed out.
Later on that night, I felt someone lift me up and put me in his bed. I was lying on my side, when I felt someone pull down my pants and start to have sex with me. It was Him. I started to struggle and he kept holding me still. I started crying and he acted shocked. He asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t answer.
The next day I woke up really early and left right away. He called me later and I went over to his house again. I think I was planning on telling him off, but I was just silent. He acted like there was something wrong with me. That I was being weird. He was being all lovely like we were a couple or something. I told him what had happened was NOT consensual. He said he knew, but his only excuse what that he was drunk. He said he was sorry. I never spoke to him again.
I only told one person for months. My former best friend, who basically said that it was my fault because I had kissed him that one time. For me, there is a lot of shame surrounding the topic of sex. When I actually want to do it, I have flashbacks and I feel disgusting. I go through periods of extreme frigidness, one of which destroyed my relationship with my ex-fiancé, who could not separate physical intimacy with emotional. I am less trusting and more sheltered. Sometimes I like to think of the person I could have been had this not happened, but in a way, this experience has made me a stronger person. I have not really had much counseling, but I heal through speaking out about what happened to me, because things like acquaintance rape happen so often, still society does not look upon it as “real” rape, although the consequences are the same. I write poetry, and try to inform other people, in hopes that it might help other women who have had a similar experience.

Rachel’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Rachel’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault(s)?
I was 5-10 years old

How old are you currently?
I am 23 years old

Where did the assault(s) happen?
In my grandfather’s house

Did you know the person who committed the assault(s)?
Yes, my grandfather

Did you tell anyone about the assault(s) at the time?
No
Did the assault(s) go to a court trial?
No
Was there a sentencing?
No
Do you think they will ever commit sexual assault again?
No

What would you like to say to people about sexual assault?
It is something anyone, anywhere can experience without any preconception. Do not be naïve; it can happen to you or someone close to you. If it has happened to you know you are not alone and help is out there.

What would you like to say about this project?
Excellent!! Something I have been waiting for. Very excited to see more stories.

Although I was sexually abused several years ago, I feel it affects my life now more than ever. Nothing really seems right. Growing up I always put myself in situations to get hurt. For example, I was involved in relationships where I was not loved and I was being used for sex. When I was younger I loved sex; it was a sense of power and control for me. I knew I had what guys wanted and I used it to my advantage. I used to think I was a sexaholic because I always wanted to have sex. But now that I am with someone who loves me, I treat him like he was one of the other’s using me. I resent him sometimes and I started thinking to myself “Am I falling out of love? Is this lust?” But I am starting to realize he LOVES me! And I think that is something I was never able to accept. I never knew how it felt to be loved from the inside out. Even my friends I feel they love me but in my crazy head I don’t see why. Growing up not only did I attract horrific relationships but I also attracted bad friendships. I had friends that always tried to control me and run my life. At first I believed this friendship to be love but then as I got older I realized how much I pushed myself aside and dealt with these situations. Another way the abuse affects me today is with my family. I feel so unloved, unwanted, a burden to my brothers and sometimes to my dad. I guess this came from when I first told my parents about the abuse. At first my father did not believe me and had to clarify it with my cousin who we learned was also being sexually abused by my grandfather. Then I was sent to counseling and my grandfather was not to show his face. Then my dad started to feel bad for him because he is old and is pretty much helpless so he was allowed back in the house, basically they chose my grandfather over me. And that is pretty much how I have been feeling for 9 years now. And I have not spoken about it with them since! I want to get over this already and I want to stop blaming everything I feel on my past because I do have the ability to change but I am not ready to let go. I am not ready to say it’s okay, it was in the past let’s move on…my grandfather does not deserve that sort of justice. The way I used to deal with the past is by not thinking about it. But what was bad about this classic method is the moment something reminded me of it whether it was something visual, smelly or emotional, I broke down and no one knew. All throughout my childhood I tried to block it out and ignore what was going on but I have never really felt healed. It was not enough for me to just write down my thoughts. Or how I used to handle it was cutting my skin and becoming mute in school. What I always wanted was to talk with other individuals who were sexually abused and how they dealt with it. Till this day I am 23 years old and my past has made me who I am, in most cases a good person but in others it does have the best of me and I do look back at it and feel ashamed. I allow my childhood to control my relationships, my sex life, my personality, my self esteem, myself worth, my family, and my friendships. If it wasn’t for people who really love me and understand me, I would probably still be stuck in an extreme emotional rut. The way I try to cope with the past today is by blocking it out and telling myself what happened in my past has made me a beautiful person today. Sometimes turning it positive helps me accept it but it is not always so successful.

Mya’s Story

Posted: September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Mya’s Story

How old were you at the time of the assault(s)?
15

How old are you currently?
17

Did you know the person(s) who committed the assault(s)?
He was a boy that desperately wanted to go with him and he desperately wanted to take my virginity

Did you tell anyone about the assault(s) at the time?
No

Did the assault(s) go to a court trial? Was there a sentencing? If so, how long?
I never did press charges

Do you think they will commit sexual assault again?
Yes, he probably has already

What would you like to say to others about sexual assault?
Tell somebody if somebody has or tries to sexual assault you

What would you like to say about this project?
I really like this project a lot. I like the fact that I am able to share my story with other people.

I was about to get of the school bus and the boy had bumped in to me, he had apologized and we all got off the bus [he just happened to live in the same apartment complex as me].I was walking home and he came up beside me and told me again that he was sorry and he told me his name I told him my name and we started associating from then on. He started walking me home from school every day after we got off the bus, at first he was really sweet and he was cute to so I was really happy about that. Then he started asking me to go with him and I told him no because I had just met him and I wanted to get to know him better. From then on he started asking me out and I still told him no. Then he started asking me every day if he could come over to my house and I told him no because I am not allowed to have any kind of company while my mom is not home. But he still would not listen and he would keep me outside for hours trying to come inside my house. Then one day while we were outside he had asked me if I was a virgin and I told him yes, and from then on he started asking me to have sex with him, and I would tell him, no I want to wait until I was married. And then I remember this one day he kept asking me if he could come inside my house and I once again told him no. He had snatched my house key out my hand and he unlocked my door and went inside after I told him not to, it was like it didn’t even matter that I had told him that I did not want him to come inside my house. I kept asking and telling him to get out of my house but he would not listen. The next thing I remember is him on top of me and I’m trying to push him off and I’m telling him to get off of me but he would not listen and he would not get up and I kept on trying to push him off and he got so aggravated with me trying to push him of that he took both my arms and pinned them to the ground and he had my legs pinned on the ground to so I couldn’t defend myself in any kind of way and he told me “you gonnna feel it today!” and I screamed “no, get off of me” and “no I don’t want to” and he started trying to kiss me on my neck or my lips I couldn’t remember but when he tried to kiss me wherever I started moving my head from side to side like I was shaking my head no and I once again started screaming no. All of a sudden got up and he told me the only reason why he didn’t go through with it was because of the way I was looking or something about my eyes I can’t remember, but I still have not told anybody about what had happened and he tried to rape me again several months later at school and that time I went and told the assistant principle and they said there wasn’t anything that they could do because he already withdrew from the school and when I had told my best friend what happened and i had told her to tell her cousin to stay away from him and she did and he denied the whole thing and said that I was lying about everything and he tried to get his sister to fight me and his sister didn’t try and fight me because she said she didn’t know who I was[she was lying because she rode the same bus] and now I’m still kind of scared to go back to my school [he’s back at the school] because I know I am going to see him. and I’m scared to tell anybody else about what happened I haven’t even told my mom or dad about what happened yet and all this happened last year I am just so scared right now and I just don’t know what to do.